


This Heart Has Always Been Yours

by hyunchanee_exo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Jongdae's Birthday Week 2020, Love Confessions, M/M, Old Age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26416501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunchanee_exo/pseuds/hyunchanee_exo
Summary: Jongdae loved Jongin... there was no doubt about it.Even if it was a bit too late.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17
Collections: Challenge #7 — Out of Order





	This Heart Has Always Been Yours

“Don’t cry, hyung,” Jongin tried to comfort him.

Wiping away his tears fiercely, Jongdae feigned anger and barked, “Don’t you dare tell me what to do!”

The man on the hospital bed laughed, a series of croaks made by a sick, old person’s response to humor. The tears only streamed a bit more harsher when Jongdae looked at him, gazing sadly at the once robust and lithe body. 

Jongin used to be a first-class dancer, the finest one of his generation. Jongdae never missed a single one of his performances - you can say he was his biggest fan. He was there since they were kids after all, even way back before when Jongin was only a dancer whose feet were in mud and didn’t have the means to perform on a stage. He saw him gain success and suffer in failure. All of those experiences made Jongin into a formidable dancer that the world had the privilege to witness.

But now, his body had withered into the husk of what it used to be. Only the memories and accounts of his magnificence remained.

“I’m so sorry for everything,” Jongdae broke down, reaching out to grasp Jongin’s hands within his shaking ones. “I shouldn’t have… I really  _ should _ have...”

“I have no regrets,” Jongin said firmly. He had a lot of trouble speaking, but his voice was as resolute as ever. “And you should too. I lived a good life.  _ You  _ have to continue to live your best life. You're old and rich, go and thrive.”

“But  _ I  _ failed,” Jongdae said, shaking his head in sorrow. “All this money and glory mean nothing… Loving you and being yours should have been my greatest feat… but I didn’t pursue it.”

Being friends since childhood was both a gift and a curse. Jongdae didn’t have any regrets of not meeting a wonderful person like Jongin earlier, because he  _ had  _ been there since the start. 

But because of this special bond, Jongdae didn’t want to risk losing it. He didn’t know what was so special about him, but Jongin still saw it and he fell for him.

The first time Jongin confessed to him during highschool, Jongdae never thought about being bent like that. He knew he was straight and he had a huge crush on a pretty classmate, so he naturally only told his dear friend, “Nini, I like you, really... but not in that way. Can we just stay as friends?”

Of course, Jongin took the rejection graciously and they continued as friends.

Jongin was beautiful, he could find someone else who was perfect for him. He will forget about Jongdae eventually, they’ve been so close for so long that he probably thought no one else can fill such an intimate role in life.

In college, Jongdae realized he also liked boys.

“Will you never really consider me?” Jongin blinked his pretty eyes and pouted.

He was still in love with him, Jongdae didn’t expect that. He already had two boys he liked and dated yet they still left. Jongdae knew Jongin was someone he can love for all eternity if he dared.

But Jongdae wasn’t smart at that time, and he only thought about how relationships can end easily. He didn't want to lose someone like Jongin.

So he rejected his dear friend for the second time.

But it didn't stop.

Through the years, even through their careers as a dancer and a musician, Jongin continued to confess every time he had the chance. Jongdae was stubborn and wouldn’t entertain that idea, continuing to fuck around with others except Jongin. He figured that like this, he may be able to find someone just as good as him.

And one day, Jongdae gave up trying.

“Do you want to live with me?” Jongin quickly asked.

Jongdae, like always, refused. “We can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Jongin smiled tentatively. 

“We… we aren’t like that...” Jongdae hesitantly said. His smile was so pretty, it actually made Jongdae want to go against his logic and just… give in to his temptation. “J-Just because I gave up looking for someone doesn’t mean you should.”

“We can live together and take care of each other, like we always do,” Jongin pushed on stubbornly.

“You want this? But I can’t love you.” 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to love me.”

Jongin’s smile was always so sweet. He always smiled so sweetly at Jongdae. He had no doubt Jongin will probably do it for the rest of their lives.

And Jongdae was right.

His smile was still sweet, as it always was, even in their twilight years when they were now wrinkly and grey. His smile was still sweet, even when several medical tubes and apparatus were attached to his body. His smile was still sweet, even when he was one breath away from dying. His smile was still sweet, even when the words that left his lips were bitter.

“Even if you didn’t love me, I spent my whole life loving you. I didn’t regret every single moment.”

After years of finding love and ending up in heartbreaks that made him give up and not want to chase for it anymore, nothing else broke his heart more than the moment Jongdae heard those words and realized that he had been so dumb. 

“You were wrong,” Jongdae pursed his lips, shaking his head. 

Oh so terribly dumb and stupid.

"I loved you, okay?" he closed his eyes as sobs racked his body. "It's too late, but I want you to know that I did love you, Nini. I loved you more than anyone. I never loved anyone like I loved you."

He was silent for a few moments, taking in Jongdae’s confession. 

And then suddenly, Jongin laughed out loud in that sickly old man way again.

“I knew you couldn’t resist me,” he cheekily said before closing his eyes.

Jongin sighed, and all Jongdae could do was sing for him while he went on his way.

One last time.


End file.
